Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
3 2 1 whiskey
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
