so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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