cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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