So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
