Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
