we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
