hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
