is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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