Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i came on her dog
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
