Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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