How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
