That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
