I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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