ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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