i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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