If that was your dad, he is hot
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
