i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
