I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
