I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
only if we run a train.
done.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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