Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
