I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
