he puts the penis in happiness.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
