you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
