I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
