I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I will pee on everything he values.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
