were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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