I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
