My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
