I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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