If that was your dad, he is hot
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
