So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
