My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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