Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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