everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
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