i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
