Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
