doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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