Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
