I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
