Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
