So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
