I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
