My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
