The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
