dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
