Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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