Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just high enough for therapy.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
