I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
