Four minutes until I can fart!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
