he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What a dumb baby whore.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
