my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
