we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
