you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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